Motivational Align with Heart and Mind is Good, for Adoption   

 When One Advertisement Changed My Perspective-:

Yesterday, while flipping through the newspaper, a small advertisement caught my attention. It wasn’t flashy. It didn’t demand attention. But it quietly carried the weight of a child’s entire future. It was an appeal from an adoption organization. A nine-year-old boy had lost both his parents during the COVID-19 pandemic. He was not the only one. Many children across the world were left without the protective “shell” of their biological parents when COVID-19 swept through communities, taking not only lives but security, stability, and identity.

As I stared at that small column of text, I imagined that boy. Not just as a number.Not just as a “case.”But as a child who once had bedtime stories, familiar hugs, and a known world. Now he was waiting—for empathy, for safety, for belonging. And suddenly, a memory from my mother’s past resurface

Q—Is adoption a charity, a commitment, or a way to give a child a new beginning  ?

Adoption is not just about providing shelter or financial support—it is a lifelong emotional commitment. Before adopting a child, parents must examine their intentions, emotional readiness, family alignment, and willingness to prioritize the child’s well-being above personal desires. True adoption begins with acceptance, stability, and unconditional love.

A Story My Mother Once Told Me

My mother had a friend during her school days. She was cheerful, lively, always full of energy. Nobody ever suspected anything unusual about her life. Years later, my mother discovered she had been adopted. At first, nothing seemed different. Her parents loved her. She studied well. She participated in activities. But when the family later had a biological daughter, things slowly began to shift. My mother noticed changes. Her friend became withdrawn. She lost interest in school and extracurricular activities. One afternoon, she broke down in tears.

She confessed that after the birth of their biological child, her adoptive parents started treating her differently. She was expected to handle household chores. Her studies were deprioritized. Emotional warmth faded. Even the biological daughter, influenced by the environment, began treating her as inferior.

“I am not a slave,” she cried. “But they make me feel like one.” Eventually, she stopped coming to school. My mother never saw her again.

That story never left me.

Adoption: A Beautiful Decision That Demands Brutal Honesty-:

Let me be very clear: Not all adoptive parents are like that. In fact, many provide extraordinary love and stability. But we cannot deny that adoption can become complicated if intentions are unclear.

Adoption is not about:

■Filling an emotional void

●Proving generosity

■Competing socially

●Repairing a broken marriage

■Replacing someone lost

Adoption is about giving a child a safe emotional home—not a conditional arrangement.

Micro-Story  The Couple Who Asked the Hard Questions-:

Ania and Raghav (names changed) had been married for eight years. After several medical consultations, they realized biological parenthood might not be possible. For months, they debated adoption. One evening, instead of searching agencies, they sat down and asked each other uncomfortable questions:

●Are we adopting because we feel incomplete?

■What if the child has emotional trauma?

●What if society comments?

■Are we ready to accept a child who may not resemble us?

●They didn’t rush.

They attended counseling. They spoke to families who had adopted older children. They informed their grandparents  beforehand. They openly discussed fears. Two years later, they adopted a six-year-old girl who had lost her parents in a road accident. The first year wasn’t easy. Nightmares. Sudden anger. Trust issues. But because Ania and Raghav had prepared emotionally—not just legally—they handled it with patience.

Today, their daughter says, “My family chose me twice—first when they adopted me, and then every day after.” That is the difference preparation makes.

Questions You Must Ask Yourself Before Adopting-:

Before you provide shelter, provide clarity.

1. Do I Have a Solid Reason for Adoption?

Is your reason rooted in compassion and responsibility—or in pressure and comparison?

2. Are My Intentions Clear and Steady?

Adoption requires consistency. Children sense emotional instability.

3. Can I Control Personal Yearnings?

If you secretly hope to later prioritize a biological child, reconsider. Divided affection damages deeply.

4. Am I Ready to Prioritize the Child’s Interests Above My Own? Parenthood—biological or adoptive—means sacrifice.

Acceptance: The Foundation That Cannot Crack-:

One of the most delicate aspects of adoption is acceptance. If a child constantly feels “different,” “temporary,” or “less than,” they may develop emotional fragmentation—confusion about identity and belonging.

Acceptance means:

■Not comparing

●Not reminding them they are adopted in moments of anger

■Not treating love as a favor

●Children should never feel like guests in their own homes.

Micro-Story : The Teen Who Was Almost Returned-:

In one city, a couple adopted a 12-year-old boy. He had grown up in multiple foster settings. He struggled with authority and often lied out of fear.

Within six months, the parents were overwhelmed. They considered dissolving the adoption.But instead of giving up, they sought therapy—for themselves first. They realized they were reacting from frustration, not understanding.

The boy wasn’t “difficult.”He was afraid of being abandoned again. With structured routines, emotional reassurance, and professional guidance, things improved slowly. Two years later, he graduated from high school. At his graduation ceremony, he hugged his parents tightly and said, “Thank you for not sending me back.”

Sometimes, adoption succeeds not because children are easy—but because parents are resilient.

Balancing Desires and Expectations-:

Adoptive parents often imagine a joyful transition. But children may carry:

■Grief

●Trust issues

■Trauma

●Fear of rejection

Instead of expecting gratitude, expect adjustment.

Instead of demanding obedience, build trust.

If you want a well-knit, happy family:

Respect their past

■Exchange views about experiences

●Allow gradual learning of traditions

■Avoid forcing complete background changes

●Healing takes time.

Mental Preparation: More Important Than Financial Preparation-:

Yes, adoption can be expensive and time-consuming. But the emotional cost of being unprepared is far greater.

Ask yourself:Am I ready for challenging behavior without taking it personally?

■Can I spend quality time daily?

●Is my extended family aligned?

What if someone in my household disagrees?

Family solidarity is critical. If even one member openly rejects the child, the damage can be lasting.

Micro-Story  The Grandmother Who Changed Everything-:

A middle-aged couple adopted a toddler. The father’s mother strongly opposed the idea. She feared “bloodline” differences. For months, she kept emotional distance. One day, the child fell ill. The grandmother stayed up all night beside the bed. She fed him medicine, held his tiny hand, and whispered lullabies. Something shifted.

She later admitted, “Love does not recognize DNA.” Today, she introduces him proudly as her grandson. Sometimes resistance comes from ignorance—not cruelty. Open communication can transform hearts.

Important Points That Adoption Agencies Should Consider When designing adoption application forms, agencies should include deeper reflection questions beyond finances.

Emotional and Environmental Questions-:

How will you ensure the child has mental and physical space at home? How much quality time can you realistically provide?What steps will you take if a family member disagrees? How will you manage the long and complex adoption process?

What is your level of motivation—temporary excitement or long-term readiness? Have you healed personal emotional wounds? If the child has behavioral challenges, what strategies will you implement? These questions prevent future heartbreak.

Adoption Is Not a Remedy for Loneliness-:

Adoptive children should never be used to repair broken hearts.

If someone adopts to:

■Overcome grief

●Save a failing relationship

■Compete socially

●Meet societal expectations

●The child becomes a solution—not a person.

And that is dangerous.

The Confidence to Commit-:

If you are truly ready—emotionally, mentally, and practically—adoption can be one of the most meaningful journeys of your life.

It requires:

■Patience

●Empathy

●Stability

■Communication

●Self-awareness

When you are prepared to heal past grief, reduce rejection, and transform loneliness into belonging, your effort becomes part of someone’s happiest memories.

A Gentle Reminder to Society-:

We must also change how society views adoption.

Children who lost parents during global crises like the COVID-19 pandemic did not choose their fate.

●They deserve dignity—not pity.

■Adoption is not charity.

■It is a shared destiny.

Final Thoughts: Before You Say Yes-:

Before you take that step, pause.

Sit quietly.Ask yourself the hard questions.

If your answers are assertive, calm, and filled with positivity—not pressure—then perhaps it is the right time to move forward.A child does not need perfect parents.They need prepared ones.

And when love is chosen deliberately, repeatedly, and responsibly— It creates a family that is stronger than biology. Because in the end, adoption is not about giving a child a home.

It is about giving them belonging. And belonging changes everything.